


does pj have a thing for cacti?

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Crack, M/M, One Shot, im sorry, this is the best thing ive ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 13:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9609050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: crabstickz and pj are uncomfortably close friends. things ensue.





	

**Author's Note:**

> wow you're in for a ride
> 
> btw chris has some weird kinks but it's all jokes lmao just be warned

one day pj and crabstickz are in pj’s house. 

“my parents aren't home” says pj

“oh shit that's fuckin lit” says crabstickz

“you know what this means”

pj winks with both eyes

crabstickz leans real fuckin close and pj feels hot air on his neck

“I want you to literally smash a one litre bottle of coke over my head”

“that's ILLEGAL” pj shouts . “leave me ALONE”

“ITS NOT ILLEGAL IF IM ENJOYING IT”

pj sees a cactus in the corner of his room. He picks it up and just fuckin throws it at his best friend. crabsticks starts to bleed from scratches from the pricks.

“OH NO” says pj. “WHAT A CACTASTROPHE”

crabstickz turns around and screams. “YOURE A CACT-ASS”

pj walks towards his best friend bc he no longer felt a threat. suddenly crabstickz grins.

“FORTUNATELY I HAVE A BLOOD KINK” he says and pj literally just jumps through the fuckin window lmao bye

crabstickz sticks his head out of the window. “NO” he says extremely loudly. he jumps after pj and also breaks his leg. oops.

“are you okay” pj asks in a sincere tone very sincerely, looking sincere. 

“yes I'm perfectly fine i'm a masochist” crabstickz whispers seductively and smiles.

pj does not smile. he screams and kicks crabstickz’s leg, breaking it further. The sound of breaking bones fills the alleyway and crabstickz moans. 

Pj reels backward, steps on a rat, screams and runs. Zoom. there he go !!!!!!!

“Aw, rats.” crabstickz laughs and then starts choking on his spit. Youd think he’d be like dying or something but in reality he also has a choking kink. Nice. now he really has to seduce pj. Speaking of which where is he lmfao

“Okay now i gotta get all spruced up so i can take him out tonight!!!!!” so crabstickz runs to canadian tire. But its like all icey and shit so he slips and falls on his ass like 42.7 times.

He pays for a spruce tree and just starts fucking tearing out the needles right in front of the cashier.”BLOCKED AND REPORTED” the cashier shouts and puts his leg on the counter. “Report me harder daddy” was what crabstickz was about to say but he remembered pj so he shut up

“Ah yes…” crabstickz says as he puts handfuls of pine needles into his pockets. “This is the genuine pine sol experience”

Then he purchases 8 cans of febreze and shines his shoes with them because fuck you he knows what he’s doing

conveniently there is a functioning ironing board leaning against a wall in his laundry room. He proceeds to iron his socks. Just his socks. “Great things are afoot” he shouts, laughing so hard that porridge comes out of his nose. He cant recall the last time he ate porridge. 

he opens his wardrobe in search of a tie and starts laughing even harder when he sees the perfect one.

meanwhile pj is hiding inside dan’s house but he’s getting kind of uncomfortable bc dan and phil are making strange noises. He cant figure out why. dan doesnt know that pj is in his goddamn house. 

crabstickz does.

the man himself arrives at dan’s door, looking all sharp. pj answers the door bc dan is busy shooting some kind of video (wink wink) and he just dies when he sees crabstickz at the goddamn door.

“DO YOU LIKE MY CAC-TIE” is the first thing crabstickz says to him, and then he starts eating the tie.

“HOW BOUT YOU CAC-DIE” screams pj in retort. blushing madly bc he secretly loves crabstickz a lot. but shhhhh.

“WOULD YOU LIKE TO ENGAGE IN DINNER WITH ME!!” crabstickz screams and picks pj up. Pj is kicking him. you see he eats a lot of noodles that’s why his legs are so good 

when crabstickz experiences the power of pj’s legs, he suddenly remembers the noodles that they have shared together once and he starts to tear up.

“W-we have to have at consume one more noodle together before you leaveme,” crabstickz sobs.

pj stops kicking crabstickz. He says “wtf calm down im not going anywhere i just need to go pee”

Pj goes to the washroom, washes his hands and leaves the washroom.

Crabstickz is standing outside with a pair of sunglasses on holding a large fan, and almost gets smacked.

“OH MYGOD HI” he says to pj, “BIG fan!”

“did you really think that would work.” shouts pj, pointing at crabstickz’s chest.

“Well you never cac-know until you cac-try” :)))

anyway the end

**Author's Note:**

> i would like to apologize,


End file.
